Thriving at high school: overcoming overwhelm

Oct 31, 2024 | ADHD symptoms, Autism, Family Life

Overwhelm: A feeling of drowning beneath a huge mass of something. 

As a neurodivergent teen, many things can cause or contribute to a sense of overwhelm, including sensations, tasks, stimuli, decisions, emotions or even the size of one task, making high school an even greater challenge.

Avoiding or overcoming the sensation of drowning in ‘everything’ to thrive at high school while living with neurodivergence like ADHD or autism takes a lot of communication, understanding, and teamwork between parents and teens to reduce the load and manage the days when it all feels like too much.

Prevent neurodivergent overwhelm at high school

While we can’t always avoid becoming overwhelmed, we can take steps to reduce its occurrences.

1.     Prepare and plan.

Planning and preparing for changes like transitioning from primary school to high school, changing schools, or even starting a new year level, can be challenging for all teens. Add in a neurodivergent brain with a preference for routine, and challenges with executive functioning, and it can be even harder.

The bigger the change, the earlier it pays to start planning. For big school related changes, take the opportunity to speak with outgoing and incoming teachers and specialist enrichment and support teams at school, to set up or update individual learning plans (ILPs).

It can also be a good opportunity to review management plans with your student’s paediatrician or specialist and support options at and outside school with your NDIS plan coordinator.

Note: Neuro-affirming supports and specialists can make all the difference, but we can’t always choose the people we need to interact with on a day-to-day basis at schools. If you would like more advice about accessing neuro-affirming supports, or help getting the support you need from a less positive support person, please book a free 15-minute consultation to see how we can help.

2.     Keep your ‘cup’ full.

This goes as much for parents supporting neurodivergent students as it does for students themselves. Sometimes, we can’t reduce the stressor events, but we can increase our tolerance for them. We do this by counterbalancing with events that restore and recharge us. Keep engaged with passions and activities that bring joy or relaxation, stay connected with communities from primary school, church, sport, or special interest, and do something every day that brings you joy!

Even when school is busy, or tensions are high, take some time to recharge your energy levels so you can face each new challenge from the best possible starting point.

3.     Have a good support team.

Again, we all need a team or a tribe. In primary school, teachers often run an activity where kids trace a hand and write the name of a trusted adult on each finger. These safety hands are a great way to check in with our support network at any age – parent and student alike.

Who are the five people you trust to have your back when the chips are down?

Consider parents, extended family, teachers, sporting coaches, community leaders, older siblings, counsellors, and long-standing friends. Having at least five people we trust to support us and help us if we need it means it’s more likely that one of them will be there and available if we need advice, help, or support to reduce neurodivergent overwhelm when it strikes.

Overwhelm at high school – common causes and solutions to try

Unfortunately, no amount of planning can completely avoid the risk of becoming overwhelmed, especially for those of us with neurodivergent brains. Sometimes, we don’t even recognise the symptoms until we explode or shut down.

Some early feelings to watch out for include hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, tears, or difficulty concentrating or making decisions. If you notice these creeping in, try one of these tips to overcome the overwhelm before it takes control.

Unmet biological needs

It’s easy to get carried away and forget to eat and drink or stay up late and become suddenly tired the next day. Try:

  • A drink and a snack.
  • A 15-minute reset – nap, meditation, time-out from s
  • Standing in the sun for 5 minutes or a walk in nature.

Emotions / dysregulated nervous system

It’s hard to see a way forward when our emotions are in control (sometimes known as a dysregulated nervous system). Try:

  • Calming your nervous system by doing something you find soothing – like a long shower or bath.
  • Brain dumping all the things affecting the way you currently feel.
  • Talking it out with a trusted person from your support team.
  • Spending time snuggling with your favourite pet.

Sensory overload

Lights, smells, noises, physical sensations on our skin can all add up leaving us feeling bombarded. Try:

  • Taking some time out in a space with less sensory input.
  • Using earplugs or headphones, moving away from smells, or changing into comfortable clothing.
  • Mitigating negative sensory input with things like aromatherapy diffusers to help refocus the brain to the positive.

Too many options or decisions to make

Neurodivergent brains can easily get stuck in decision-making rather than action, sometimes known as decision paralysis. Try:

  • Reducing decision points by creating routines. For example, save up to 30 separate decisions by deciding that every day this month, lunch will be a muesli bar, an apple, and a ham sandwich (or your favourite lunch combo).
  • Making a game out of less important decisions like which shirt to wear.

The desire to be perfect or do all the ‘shoulds’

No one is perfect. And that’s perfectly ok. Try:

  • Speaking with a member of your support team about realistic expectations.
  • Seeing what happens if you skip a ‘should’ that doesn’t hurt anyone, like ironing or wearing matching socks.

Your to-do list

It’s easy to overestimate our capacity and take on too much, or to get stuck in ‘prioritising’ rather than actioning. Try:

  • Being honest and dropping a few small tasks or events with a quick text – I’m super sorry, I overestimated my time and won’t be able to come to coffee today.
  • Speaking to a trusted member of your support team for advice about which things you might easily cut out or delay.

A big task

You’d be surprised how many people put off starting a big task – neurotypical and neurodivergent alike. Try:

  • Brain-dumping all the steps you can think of.
  • Talking to a member of your support team about a plan to get you on the right track.
  • If you like apps and using tech to support you, try a website like Magic ToDo List by Goblin Tools which breaks down tasks into manageable steps to follow.

If you want to expand your team of trusted supporters and work with a coach who understands your neurodivergent student brain – contact us today. 

The Autistic brain, neurodiversity-affirming support, and consistency

Jul 22, 2024 | Autism

At Social Living Solutions we pride ourselves on being neurodiversity-affirming and providing consistency of therapeutic relationships, but what does that mean to an autistic brain? And why is it so important?

The Autistic brain

10-year-old Ashley* has autism. How is his brain different?

As humans, we rely heavily on a part of the brain known as the amygdala (emotional brain) to process emotions and to activate in the face of a potential threat. Unfortunately, the amygdala processes information faster than the rational brain and can activate a fight, fight or freeze response before reason has time to advise otherwise.

Studies now show autistic brains have larger amygdalas than their neurotypical counterparts, which can lead to increased anxiety levels and challenges regulating feelings. Effectively, with this more sensitive amygdala, the autistic brain sees threats in scenarios their rational brain (and many neurotypical brains) may not, such as a change in teacher or a disruption to weekly routine.

Commonly co-occurring neurodivergent conditions like alexithymia (difficulty identifying or describing emotions – their own and those of others) or interoceptive awareness struggles (difficulty noticing and processing internal signals that their body needs food, rest or warmth) can further increase the perception of threat where it does not exist.

Fight/flight/freeze and the importance of consistency

One Saturday, Ashley* arrives at the swimming lessons he usually loves. Upon discovering he has a substitute teacher he has a meltdown and refuses to participate. Why?

One of the things an autistic brain commonly perceives as a threat is change. New people, activities, or routines can trigger a meltdown or fight/flight/freeze response. You may even notice that changing furniture around the house or being asked to wear a new pair of pyjamas is met with strong emotional reactions.

Consistency, on the other, hand helps the amygdala connect to previous safe experiences and stay calm. This is why we suggest slowly introducing change, discussing and preparing for it where required, and recognising when it matters to push new things and when we might avoid change.

One area where consistency most matters is with support teams and therapists. These people we ask to assist our neurodivergent child through the neurotypical world need to build a relationship to act as a guide. They are the ones who can help you and your child manage life’s changes, so it makes sense that we should do everything we can to avoid unnecessary changes to coaches, counsellors, physiotherapists, etc, to get the best outcomes for your child.

Neurodiversity-affirming support

A few days after his meltdown, Ashley’s parents start looking for a psychologist to help him feel safer in new situations. What should they look for to get the best results?

Traditional therapy under the traditional medical model of mental health assumed that neurodivergence, including autism, was a problem to fix. However, now we understand that autism is not something that can, or should, be ‘fixed’ just to meet neurotypical expectations. Instead, we now understand that this can lead to highly stressful levels of masking and burnout over time.

Current models of therapy for autism and other neurodivergent individuals should be neurodiversity-affirming. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist, whether a psychologist, speech therapist or even a teacher, understands the unique experience of each individual’s autism. They hold space for every client as the expert of their own life, seeking to support change only to reach each client’s individual life goals rather than to change all neurodivergent traits to meet neurotypical expectations.

Look for statements regarding neurodiversity-affirming practices or specialist experience on providers’ websites or ask potential therapists what neurodiversity-affirming means to them or how they implement it in their sessions. When you find one who meets your requirements, watch them interact with your child, and ask your child how they feel after seeing them. Then trust your instincts.

Support unavoidable change with energy accounting

As parents we cannot control every aspect of our children’s lives, no matter how much we wish it for them. But it can be hard to watch our children experience distress or meltdown as a result of changes beyond our control. Often, the only thing we can do is focus on the things we can influence. Energy accounting is a great starting point. Everything in life gives or takes emotional and/or physical energy, and unavoidable change can take a lot from an autistic brain.

If your child is well-resourced with energy in advance, they may be more likely to move through the amygdala’s initial response to a rational brain response earlier. If your child is already distressed or depleted, resourcing them with some simple energy accounting practices can help them recover faster to move on.

Different children will find different activities restorative, but these basics can be a great place to start while you work out the nuance of your child:

  • Tasty snack
  • Drink
  • An hour of favourite alone time activity – reading, music, computer gaming
  • Changing immediately into comfortable clothing when they get home
  • Enjoying a bath or shower
  • Participating in a pleasurable physical activity to clear their head

These simple ideas can help kids and even teens who don’t recognise their own body cues for hunger and thirst. Sometimes, something as simple as a milkshake can make a big difference.

At Social Living Solutions, we can help you and your child find personalised coping mechanisms that work for you both to manage change and energy. Book your free introductory phone call today.