Jul 22, 2024 | Autism
At Social Living Solutions we pride ourselves on being neurodiversity-affirming and providing consistency of therapeutic relationships, but what does that mean to an autistic brain? And why is it so important?
The Autistic brain
10-year-old Ashley* has autism. How is his brain different?
As humans, we rely heavily on a part of the brain known as the amygdala (emotional brain) to process emotions and to activate in the face of a potential threat. Unfortunately, the amygdala processes information faster than the rational brain and can activate a fight, fight or freeze response before reason has time to advise otherwise.
Studies now show autistic brains have larger amygdalas than their neurotypical counterparts, which can lead to increased anxiety levels and challenges regulating feelings. Effectively, with this more sensitive amygdala, the autistic brain sees threats in scenarios their rational brain (and many neurotypical brains) may not, such as a change in teacher or a disruption to weekly routine.
Commonly co-occurring neurodivergent conditions like alexithymia (difficulty identifying or describing emotions – their own and those of others) or interoceptive awareness struggles (difficulty noticing and processing internal signals that their body needs food, rest or warmth) can further increase the perception of threat where it does not exist.
Fight/flight/freeze and the importance of consistency
One Saturday, Ashley* arrives at the swimming lessons he usually loves. Upon discovering he has a substitute teacher he has a meltdown and refuses to participate. Why?
One of the things an autistic brain commonly perceives as a threat is change. New people, activities, or routines can trigger a meltdown or fight/flight/freeze response. You may even notice that changing furniture around the house or being asked to wear a new pair of pyjamas is met with strong emotional reactions.
Consistency, on the other, hand helps the amygdala connect to previous safe experiences and stay calm. This is why we suggest slowly introducing change, discussing and preparing for it where required, and recognising when it matters to push new things and when we might avoid change.
One area where consistency most matters is with support teams and therapists. These people we ask to assist our neurodivergent child through the neurotypical world need to build a relationship to act as a guide. They are the ones who can help you and your child manage life’s changes, so it makes sense that we should do everything we can to avoid unnecessary changes to coaches, counsellors, physiotherapists, etc, to get the best outcomes for your child.
Neurodiversity-affirming support
A few days after his meltdown, Ashley’s parents start looking for a psychologist to help him feel safer in new situations. What should they look for to get the best results?
Traditional therapy under the traditional medical model of mental health assumed that neurodivergence, including autism, was a problem to fix. However, now we understand that autism is not something that can, or should, be ‘fixed’ just to meet neurotypical expectations. Instead, we now understand that this can lead to highly stressful levels of masking and burnout over time.
Current models of therapy for autism and other neurodivergent individuals should be neurodiversity-affirming. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist, whether a psychologist, speech therapist or even a teacher, understands the unique experience of each individual’s autism. They hold space for every client as the expert of their own life, seeking to support change only to reach each client’s individual life goals rather than to change all neurodivergent traits to meet neurotypical expectations.
Look for statements regarding neurodiversity-affirming practices or specialist experience on providers’ websites or ask potential therapists what neurodiversity-affirming means to them or how they implement it in their sessions. When you find one who meets your requirements, watch them interact with your child, and ask your child how they feel after seeing them. Then trust your instincts.
Support unavoidable change with energy accounting
As parents we cannot control every aspect of our children’s lives, no matter how much we wish it for them. But it can be hard to watch our children experience distress or meltdown as a result of changes beyond our control. Often, the only thing we can do is focus on the things we can influence. Energy accounting is a great starting point. Everything in life gives or takes emotional and/or physical energy, and unavoidable change can take a lot from an autistic brain.
If your child is well-resourced with energy in advance, they may be more likely to move through the amygdala’s initial response to a rational brain response earlier. If your child is already distressed or depleted, resourcing them with some simple energy accounting practices can help them recover faster to move on.
Different children will find different activities restorative, but these basics can be a great place to start while you work out the nuance of your child:
- Tasty snack
- Drink
- An hour of favourite alone time activity – reading, music, computer gaming
- Changing immediately into comfortable clothing when they get home
- Enjoying a bath or shower
- Participating in a pleasurable physical activity to clear their head
These simple ideas can help kids and even teens who don’t recognise their own body cues for hunger and thirst. Sometimes, something as simple as a milkshake can make a big difference.
At Social Living Solutions, we can help you and your child find personalised coping mechanisms that work for you both to manage change and energy. Book your free introductory phone call today.
Apr 29, 2024 | Family Life, School, Social Living Solutions
High School friendships are hard for everyone
High school reunion. Is there another event in your adult life that induces such a polarising response? For some, High School was the peak of popularity and connection, the beginning of lifelong friendships. For others, especially those struggling with ADHD and friendships, it was a lonely place to be endured, where free time was more difficult than tests or homework.
I recently attended my own High School Reunion. It’s been many years, yet I was still incredibly anxious attending. I’m not even sure how I got myself to the door.
You see, I could never quite fit in at High School. Making and maintaining friendships was like a foreign language to me. I didn’t pick up on social cues, couldn’t play team sports because I had terrible balance issues, and I was more emotional. Worst of all, I felt that I was the problem.
If only I had a magic wand to go back and explain ADHD and neurodiversity to my younger self. At least now, even without a magic wand, our children (especially our previously missed young girls) are more likely to have a diagnosis and a teacher trained in working with neurodiverse children. Now we have some options.
The challenges of ADHD and friendship
Whilst everyone’s experience of being neurodivergent is different, there are a few common threads for those of us with ADHD that impact on friendships.
Overwhelm and boredom – two sides of the same ADHD coin
The ADHD brain can swing quickly between extremes, sometimes finding it difficult to commit attention and time to friendships, then simply finding them boring because their brain jumps around a million thoughts and their friend focuses on merely one. The inconsistency can make others feel that you only reach out when you have nothing better to do.
Looking like you don’t care – poor memory, distraction and disorganisation
Friends will naturally feel that the people who ask questions and remember what is going on in their lives are their true friends. Unfortunately for those of us with ADHD, it’s hard enough to remember our details, keep our diary organised, avoid getting distracted on the way to meet you, let alone remember the details of your life that ‘show’ we care.
Social anxiety and rejection sensitivity disorder
These two often coexisting diagnoses are commonly associated with ADHD. Making friends requires reading situations, body language and even emotional meaning. These can all be super challenging when you have ADHD. Add in years of being rejected for simple miscommunications or miscues, and putting yourself out there to make friends can feel more like walking with a tiger.
Social supports at school are available
Being neurodiverse in a neurotypical group at school can be like finding out you are a square peg in a round hole. Unfortunately, in Australia, there is currently no real funding for schools to support neurodiverse students unless they meet specific Autism criteria.
This often means the onus is on parents and carers to advocate for their children with ADHD, often educating teachers along the way. Luckily, most teachers want to see all their students succeed and are only too happy to help.
Individual Learning Plans (ILPs)
Parents of any child struggling to achieve their potential can request an Individual Learning Plan (ILP). Your school may also initiate the conversation. An ILP outlines your child’s learning goals, how neurodiversity impacts them, how the school will support them and what reasonable adjustments or strategies are agreed upon to help each child participate and learn and meet their individual needs.
ILPs can include social support. For example:
- Ben finds it challenging to self-select into a group. It helps if teachers define groups for everyone so he can focus on the work itself.
Neurodiversity awareness workshops
It can also help to speak with your child’s classroom teacher or year-level coordinator about informal ways the school can assist, or ways they can broadly improve understanding. Some schools get great results from running educational workshops around neurodiversity for the student body, or relevant year groups. We recently presented at a Sydney school for just this reason. This is what teachers had to say when we were finished:
Some points of highlight for the students were their interest in the scientific explanation of neurodiversity and the brain, the ability to ask questions and feel part of the experience and the way in which you discussed neurodiversity as a collective experience, making those who are neurodivergent feel a greater sense of belonging and those who know neurodivergent people understand more about their behaviours, feelings and executive functioning.
I am hopeful that we will have more opportunities to work together in the future on our shared mission for creating inclusive, safe, respectful, educated and understanding environments for us ‘neurospicy’ folk.
Your child’s tribe might be outside of school
Just because your child is alone at school does not necessarily mean they are lonely. They may be more comfortable in their own company, taking a break from masking at recess and lunchtime.
However, we all need to be socially supported and connected in some part of our lives. Sometimes, the best way to find your tribe is to look for like-minded people who share your interests, such as groups for chess, taekwondo, or online gaming communities.
NOTE: Online gaming communities can be a fabulous source of community. One of my 12-year-old clients struggles at school with bullying but has their own YouTube Channel and has flown with Mum to meet friends he made through YouTube. The key is age-appropriate supervision and ground rules. The e-Safety Commissioner has great resources to keep kids safe online.
Other times it can help to find a group designed to help build social skills with peers. Here in Canberra, we are fortunate to have several organisations set up specifically to build neurodivergent communities.
- Daydream Machine – Supporting young people with all forms of disability, including neurodiversity, from 9-21 years of age to explore and build their talents in music, arts, and technology. Parents think kids learn in a safe and inclusive space, while kids think they are ‘doing cool stuff’.
- Ignition Gamers – With so many of our neurodivergent teens and young adults turning to video games for entertainment, Ignition Gamers builds on that passion bringing teens and young adults together to play in person and develop confidence with real-world relationships.
- Dice 4 Diversity – Originally established to provide social education in a fun environment utilising role-player games like Dungeons and Dragons, Dice 4 Diversity is now a strong community of school-aged tweens and teens who enjoy attending weekly social ‘skills’ sessions and return over school holidays just for fun.
At Social Living Solutions we understand how hard it can be to ‘fit in’, especially around ADHD and friendships. We work with your child to achieve their unique social goals, whether that’s understanding how neurotypical friendships work, finding a tribe outside of school, or leaning into passions and being comfortable as they are. There is no agenda here. Book a free call today.
